or a long while now, the Lt. Colonel, commander of our 81^st Airborne Ranger Group, has been sitting in silence, seemingly engaged in private thoughts.  So has the doctor, the chief surgeon of the Group.  In the midst of a celebration of victory, what makes some of us stay on the margins?  Certainly worry and anxiety cannot lead to a proper state of mind, a state enabling us to survive the war. 

Captain Thoa asks me, "So, Hawk, when will you go back to Saigon?"

"Hawk" is the nickname the chief surgeon conferred upon me for my warlike tendency.

It appears to me that everyone present is irritated with news of trouble in Saigon.  This is suggested by what the Captain immediately says: "When you are back there, Hawk, if you meet any discontented students, just pick them up and deliver them to me at Fire Base 7."

Holding his wine glass as though he wants to break it in his hand, Major Binh, the pilot, says in a sharp tone of voice, "Left it to me, you won't need waste any tear gas grenades and rockets.  I'll need only have a few heavy machine guns set at street corners to await them."

It seems that politics divides us in some fashion.

The Major turns to the doctor.  "Well, how about you, Dr. Zhivago?  What do you think about those students who do nothing other than engage in disturbing demonstrations?"

We gave the doctor that nickname by way of describing the seeming contradiction between the free spirit of his artistic nature and the life he leads strictly governed by prescribed principles.  It is true that in the past, he went through an exciting and active period of life as a student, but at present he resigns himself to a tolerant, quiet lifestyle.  He rarely bares his heart, a heart we know to be full of deep contradictions.

Engineers of the  First Air Cav at Chu Phong Mountain in la Drang, 1965 - Photo by Tim Page

Gathering calmness into his voice, the doctor answers, "During the long years spent in university, I lived the state of mind experienced by the students of today, and at present I live side by side with all of you in this state of war.  I understand your annoyance with them, but at the same time I appreciate the motivation behind their struggle.  It's not entirely absurd that they should abandon their studies and sacrifice their future in order to commit themselves to their strongly motivated movement."

I realize that the doctor's conscience is being placed in an awkward position.  On the one hand are the soldiers he cares for as required by his duty; on the other hand are the youths and students who participate in anti-government demonstrations colored with a touch of anti-American sentiment, and whose viewpoint he accepts and shares to a certain degree.

Clearly we all are but small cogs in a large machine.

Contrary to his usual self as a man of few words and discretion, this time the Colonel participates in the group's political discussion.  "Well then, doctor, if we are ordered to launch an attack on the compound of the Medical College in Saigon, how do you plan to deal with that?"

The current student unrest, in fact, originated at the Medical College.  The Colonel's teasing question makes us all smile, the doctor included.

In a tone of voice free of bitterness, the doctor replies, "Under such a circumstance, of course, I wouldn't be able to do anything other than to wear an anti-teargas mask, drive an ambulance, and take care of the injured from both sides.  But the issue is what follows afterwards…"

Directing his gaze toward the Colonel, the doctor speaks in a confiding manner, "If it clearly turns out that my assigned duty involves a long-term stay in Saigon, I will ask permission to be released from our unit and transferred to a certain hospital in the highlands.  This is in spite of the fact that I have constantly thought of our combat unit as the one and only place I would choose to spend the entire period of my military service.". NEXT